This is a piece I wrote in 2002/2003.
It’s simply a joke.
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This is a warning to all of you who are reading this:
GET OUT! GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
Having said
that, perhaps I should also take this opportunity to speak of you of a
little thing called “curiosity.” This powerful desire has put us all
into the current position and state that we are in, that is our state, or
the state of us, of ‘we’ as in ‘you and I’ and not ‘wee’ as in ‘pee’
(hmm, that joke probably only works when spoken). We have a state, (cool
we’re rich) – whether we are willing to wake up while weeping in our
sleep, or simply peeing while sleeping in the wild waters, we must
realise that curiosity isn’t a cure for craziness.
Moving on to
the crisis of a crocodile that has cried in Croatia because it killed
its own trainer, and has collided with a coke canister that has collapsed
leaving the land fizzy like a sleazy saloon, where all guests have at
least one cell phone with a cool tone, yet none of them would like to be
alone, even if they had a choice of not wearing cologne, and be locked
in with a stinky king.
The trainer had
been short of skills in dealing with crocs, (no not c*cks; don’t be rude
dude), because when he was at the Crocodile Caring College, he quietly
quit the crocodile hunter’s class when Steve Irwin wasn’t looking, only
to quote, don’t recall what I did in the mall, maybe I went to kick a
soccer ball, or even went to ten pin bowl, or played ping pong with Pete
Pitt not too long after we had a bong, end quote. What must be said is,
that it is sad that curiosity could not control his careless condition
of drug addiction.
If you haven’t
figured it out yet, no I don’t go to a vet, I bet you thought I did, but
just put a lid on that, and put on this new hat. Anyhow, Bart says “don’t
have a plough, if you don’t have a farm,” (hahaha, you thought I would
say ‘cow’, and I did, now).
Are you still willing to continue reading?
This is a test,
to see how much time you invest to read this piece of seaweed, although
I hear seaweed is used to make ice cream, so perhaps that wasn’t a good
choice of words. The point is that I am trying to distract you from
doing something else during this time that you’re using (or wasting) to
read this, while making you realise that. Will you read to the end of
this sentence? You just did. <—And that one and this one.<—
How long will
you stay? All the way? OK. I’ll try to figure out some sort of little
prizes for finishing. There will be three stages: the last three
sentences. Are you ready? How far will you go, and what compliment will
you get?
Here we go.
IF YOU ARE
PLANNING TO FINISH HERE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER, BECAUSE THERE IS NO
COMPLIMENT IN THIS SENTENCE, AND ONLY ABUSE – GO AHEAD AND READ THE NEXT
ONE DOWN, YOU LAZY MOOSE.
IF YOU FINISH HERE, THEN I CONGRATULATE YOU, YOU’RE AN OKAY KID, SO STOP READING NOW.
BUT NOOOOO, YOU
COULDN’T STOP AT THE ABOVE POINT BECAUSE IT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU
OR MAYBE CAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU DESERVED A BETTER COMPLIMENT LIKE, “YOU
ARE A GREAT PERSON” FOR READING THIS DUMB THING THIS FAR, WELL MAYBE, IN
ANY CASE, YOU WILL BE REWARDED FOR YOUR EFFORTS IF YOU DID NOT SKIP DOWN
TO THIS POINT, (IF YOU DID SKIP EVEN A WORD, I’M AFRAID TO SAY THAT YOU
WILL BE SENT AWAY WITHOUT ANY HAIRSPRAY, AND IF YOU’RE BALD, WITHOUT ANY
GOLD, WHICH STILL MEANS YOU LOSE, LAZY MOOSE), AND THAT IS THIS, “THE
CONCLUSION DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, DOES IT?”
